Recent officers

President: Laura Marsh   (web)

Laura grew up in Japan in the heyday of British Imperialism. A lovely girl, she was the heart and soul of the tiny coastal community. Soon a man entered her life. His name was Lieutenant B.F. Pinkerton and he was a Navy dude. Swept away by love and cheap rent, B.F. married Laura and moved in. Laura changed her religion to Christianity to better accommodate his need. Alas, his duty in olde Japan was short lived and he was shipped back to America, leaving poor Laura to survive on a paltry allowance. Soon it became obvious that she was with child. Everyone told her to leave that butt-head B.F., but she was determined to remain true to her vows. Un bel di, B.F. returns with his new wife and learns he has a child. Laura learns that the love of her life has a new wife and flies into a rage. She produces a knife from and smote the two betrayer with a fury that paralleled the gods. Her child, traumatized by the blood bath before him, became a deaf mute with an abnormal talent for pinball.

Vice President: Kirstin Connors   (web)

As a small child, Kirstin lived in rural Switzerland herding goats and eating Swiss Chocolate. She was a talented child, a virtuoso on the alp horn. Her alp horn skills got her admitted to the Conservatory in Vienna where she changed concentrations to Wagnerian opera singing. She toured the world singing the 15 hours of the Ring Cycle night after night, until, one night in New Mexico, she was abducted by aliens. At first all the aliens were interested in was checking out her rear end, but then they got to know her, and subsequently, they made her their queen. She became one with the alien religion and devoped very powerful telekinesis and mind reading skills. Upon her return to earth, she used these skills only for good, in secret, while she plotted her world takeover.

Second Vice President: John McCall   (web)

As a young man, John was employed by the FBI as an investigating agent. After 3 abductions and 1 decapitation (successfully regenerated, we are told), John made the decision to retire when he was almost seduced by a cannibal during a fine dining experience over his boss's brain. John was living the good life in his retirement; Steelers games, BSD, and vodka. The FBI decided that it wasn't satisfied with his reasons for leaving. So they drugged him and sent him to an Island glibbly nicknamed The Village. In the Village, the FBI gave him a new name "Number pi" claimed that it wanted information. "Why did you retire?" He replied that he didn't really care for brains. So, the FBI drugged him again and again until in a purple haze, John began writing songs and singing them in a raspy incomprehensible voice. Soon, he became a superstar, winning the adoration of millions. He used his millions to fund his participation in a balloon race, but he was lost somewhere in the Appalachian Mountains. He survived by stumbling into a small unknown town with no contact with the outside world. The inhabitants call it Siemyu.

Recording Secretary: Margaret "James" "mid" Delap   (web)

From an early age, mid has enjoyed a life of ease and comfort in Grosse Pointe as the child of Gerard Oliver and Margaret I., Senior. Her hobbies include collecting fine pottery and riding and collecting thorough bread horses. As a high schooler, she got a job at a dude ranch in West Texas. There she discovered that often times it is the simple things in life that make life worth living. She returned to Grosse Pointe to teach this gospel. Word spread that mid was the daughter of G.O.D. Her career as messiah was short lived and she got beaten in an arm wrestling match with some Mexican guy named Jesus. That didn't keep mid down. When she discovered that Michigan is in the shape of a mitten, she opened a mitten store called "mid's middens". The antique building the she opened her new business in actually had a portal to the underworld. She makes regular visits to the ducks there.

Corresponding Secretary: Sean "Teki" Dobbs

Teki grew up in rural Kazakstan as the son of a sheep herder. He was a bright young lad and from the start of life he was an acclaimed author. Winning the Nobel Prize for poetry when he was four, many believed that Teki was actually Dionysys reincarnated. Unfortuanately, Teki blitzed the part of his brain responsible for poetry by the over abundance of red wine, cheese, and grapes that his Orion slave girls fed him. The salad days of his life were short lived, when he was drafted to the armed forced during World War I in order to draft articles for the Stars & Stripes news paper. He rose in rank and soon was promoted to President of the United States. He continues to live being plagued by delusions of Editorship and Secret Service men.

Treasurer: Christopher "Murdock" Clark

Born 422 years ago in the highlands of Pennsylvania, Murdock is insane, and he's not alone. As the 108th Master of the Penny Ball and wielder of the electric checkbook, Murdock uses his insanity for good, not evil.

On his way out of the past and into the present, Murdock was given a key that had no lock by the Mighty Neckless One. He is now on a quest to go where no Otaku has gone before and seek the lock to which the key fits.

That was then. He is now a bitter old man with a metal cane and an ever-changing accent. While hiding out from the Flushers of MoodyDoody, Murdock's insanity drove him off on the Bitter MiniBus to parts unknown. It's said that he can still be seen roaming about the campus of CMU, but most write these sightings off, blaming them on last night's "O" Fries.

Sergeant at Arms: Michael "Misha" Moiseyev   (web)

Misha spent his formative years in South Dakota. Among the Dakota Indians, he learned to play a game of strategy and with a skill that many people can only look admiringly from afar, dreaming that one day they would have Misha's ability. That game is Candyland. Misha broke into the public forum when he began to compete internationally for the Candyland crown. This gave him considerable clout on public opinion and he began to give speeches on Human Rights before and after each Candyland competition. His public speaking career was only taking off when a plan he was on didn't. His plane didn't crash, he was flying out of JFK and the antagonist Candyland player stole his gig and his career. Misha didn't mind though as he met Tom Hanks while waiting in the airport and got to ask Tom what it is like to be lost in space and lost in sea.